From healing duties, muskets at sunset and being cannon fodder at the Nebakov keep through to reclaiming his sword from Istvan Toth. Henry shows off his lockpicking skills as he empties every chest on his way out of the castle through the escape tunnel.
My own game review after 50 hours:
*Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2: The Medieval Life Simulator I Didn’t Know I Needed
I now address the Mrs as “My Liege” and consider eating with utensils a modern extravagance.
Story: The Quest for a Bath
You continue as Henry, the blacksmith’s son, on a mission to restore honor, seek vengeance, and, most importantly, find a bathhouse that doesn’t charge an arm and a leg. The narrative is as rich as a nobleman’s feast, with twists that made me audibly gasp and choices that had me questioning my (virtual) morality. But let’s be honest, half the time, I was just trying to figure out how to court Theresa without looking like a complete buffoon.
Gameplay: The Realism
Ever wanted to experience the thrill of digging through your pockets for that one specific key while a bandit is trying to introduce your face to his mace. Welcome to KCD2. The combat system is so realistic that after a particularly grueling duel, I found myself instinctively reaching for a health potion in real life. Don’t get me started on the lockpicking—I’ve broken so many virtual lockpicks that I now approach real-life doors with a newfound respect but after a while it all fell into place.
Graphics: So Realistic I Could Smell the Flowers As I Picked Them
The landscapes are so breathtaking that I spent a good chunk of my playtime just wandering the forests, picking herbs, and pretending I was on a medieval episode of “Survivor”. The attention to detail is astounding; I once tripped over a rock and felt the pain…
Side Quests: The True Medieval Experience
From helping a lovesick knight woo his fair maiden to hunting down a “demonic” rooster terrorizing a village, the side quests are where this game truly shines. I once spent two hours trying to win an archery contest, only to realize that my archery skills are about as sharp as a butter knife. But hey, at least I got a participation ribbon (which I promptly sold because, you know, times are tough).
Bugs: The Unintended Hilarity
No game is without its quirks. I once witnessed a cow ascend to the heavens, and there was that time my horse decided it was a submarine. These moments of unintended comedy only add to the charm. After all, nothing says “immersive medieval experience” like watching a villager casually moonwalk through his daily chores.
Final Verdict: 10/10, Would Get Lost in the Woods Again
If you’re looking for a game that offers a deep, immersive experience with a side of unintentional comedy, Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 is your jam. Just remember to save often (which is not as easy as it sounds), avoid the temptation to punch every guard who looks at you funny, and, for the love of all things holy, take a bath once in a while. Tis only a scratch, stick at it.